The Power Of A Positive Mindset
1 year ago, I was given the beautiful responsibility to nurture, love and allow a stranger's heart to make home beneath my chest. Here we are, a year later. And the beat goes on. Alhamdulilah, All Praise is to God.
A transplant is life changing. For those of you who have had no experience, no friends nor family who have been through the transplant process, you might assume it is just as the word suggests, a transplanted organ or tissue. But for me and my entire family, and indeed the families of those who have been fortunate to be granted a new life, a transplant has greater emotional significance.
Over the course of just one year, I have learnt more life lessons than I could imagine. Lessons from other patients, their families, lessons about grief, sadness, trauma, hope, faith, managing emotions, dealing with hardship, learning to accept reality. An endless list, to appreciate that a transplant, in particular a heart transplant for me, is so so SO much more than just a new organ by the heartfelt choice of a donor and their family.
One of the biggest things I have learnt is that, in times of hardship, when everything is looking the most bleak, a tiny bit of optimism can go a long way.
In this blog, I share how positivity kept me going throughout my transplant journey, and continues to help me navigate life after transplant. If you are on a similar journey, I hope this post can give you some enlightenment. Its not an easy journey, but take it from a 22-year-old at the time of getting her ribs broken and heart removed, if you want to see the light sometimes you've got to climb out of the darkness yourself.
NURTURE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE
Positivity is powerful. It can change the course of events, make even the most grim of scenarios bearable and ultimately it can give you such strength to look ahead and grip onto that one tiny shred of light to be guided out of a pit of darkness that you’ve been thrown in.
But being positive is more than just a feeling. It is a choice. It is a mindset. It is a mental attitude that needs to be nurtured.When you are presented with a situation as bleak as being told you are dying without actually being told you are dying, you need to make a choice. Either see the darkness of the pit you’ve been thrown in, or chose to make your own light.
The day I was shifted to the active list for a heart transplant, with no guarantee of seeing another sunrise, was the day I chose to make my own light, and nurture this little thing called positivity.
16th June 2023
All it took, was a few minutes with the doctor and his team, for my entire life to come crumbling down at my feet.
Severe heart failure symptoms
Intense vomiting
Unbearable abdominal pain
Another IV drip attached
“We will shift you to ICU to keep a closer eye on you”
“Your liver and kidney function is deteriorating”
“You may need dialysis”
“We will move you up from routine to urgent list for transplant”
“You will not go home until you receive a heart transplant”
Nothing but words of uncertainty, hopelessness and despair
Given such a distressing outcome, even the most happy-go-lucky person would surrender to their emotions at this point – and I did. In fact, as the doctor told me all of this information, tears filled my eyes and I began to cry, but the interesting thing is that I have absolutely no memory of this whatsoever. A concept known as dissociation I’m told – where your brain protects you from recalling traumatic events, so you lose the memory entirely.
Although the doctors didn’t use the word ‘dying’, it became pretty clear at this point that the outcome didn’t look favourable. I don’t remember the tears, and I don’t remember feeling as if the entire world was about to crumble at my feet. But what I do remember, is that at the peak of my pain and all my despair, I decided I was going to make my own light.
Yes. The friend I'm mentioning here is IV drip machine number two.
Now hang on. Before you judge me, bear in mind that my heart was working at 10-15% at this point, and maybe the most obvious things to be grateful for just didn't come to mind at the time - you know like, supportive family who never left your side, loved ones who went out of the way to run to that small hospital shop and buy you one of those plain simple lollies only to run back so it didn't melt in the summer heat because it was the only thing your stomach would accept, best of best healthcare staff, being in the most fun ward with the most amazing of patients who keep you on your feet and support you. (A very late apology to you all)
The lesson here is that there is no one single way to express gratitude or to think positively, in times of hardship. As long as it keeps you going with a smile, then it's good enough and that's the main point.
Final remarks
Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses ~ Alphonse Karr
In the end, positivity is all about perspective. If you can genuinely make the most hopeless of scenarios a little bearable with a bit of positivity, then it is worth being positive. After all, I had a choice to grumble about the idea of death, but instead, I chose to spend whatever days I had left looking on the bright side. And alhamdulilah, by the Will of God, and the decision of my beautiful donor and their family, here I am. Still nurturing a positive attitude to life, despite the many many health blips post-transplant, still ready for all the problems yet to come, and still nurturing this beautiful new heart like the flowers in the field.
Legend has it, she's still dancing amongst the flowers
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